New Year, New Office

Happy New Year!  The Decker Law Firm wishes you a new year full of love, happiness, and prosperity.

2013 was a wonderful year for The Decker Law Firm – We met some incredible people, made some new friends, and were able to help many families through some of the most difficult times in their lives.  We are so very thankful to have had that opportunity.

We hope to continue serving our clients in a new location.  The weekend before the New Year, we moved our office.  The Decker Law Firm happily announces our new location and phone numbers:

5201 West Freeway, Ste. 102
Fort Worth, TX 76107
(817) 735-0005   Phone
(817) 735-8959   Fax

We will continue to provide our clients with honest, strong representation – only from a different locale.

If you need to visit us and are not sure where to find our new office, just give us a call.  We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Ami J. Decker
www.famlawtex.com

Telling Your Lawyer the Truth

You have probably heard of attorney-client privilege or the confidentiality between lawyers and their clients.  What is this?  Confidentiality between a client and his lawyer is sacred.  It means that what is said between a client and his or her attorney regarding the case remains private.  One reason for this is to allow a client to feel comfortable telling his attorney everything about his case.  No misrepresentations of the truth.  The reason it is critical for a client to be honest and straightforward with his attorney is so the attorney can present the best possible case for the client and diffuse any negatives, if possible.

This means, never lie to your attorney about anything.  Not only is there no benefit, it is a detriment to you as the client to lie to your lawyer.  As in any legal matter, with a family law case - be it divorce, custody, child support, or whatever - the opposing party may very well have evidence or testimony to prove you are lying.  And if your lawyer finds out about the lie at the time it is proven to be a lie in a hearing or final trial, there is nothing she can do to help you.

It is absolutely critical to tell your lawyer the truth about everything, no matter how bad it is or how badly you think it makes you look.  At least if you tell her the truth, she will have an opportunity to mitigate the damage.

Another reason to tell your lawyer the truth is that if he or she finds out you have lied, he will not and can never trust what you tell him again.  Your communication with your attorney is shot.  He cannot trust you anymore.  And if he cannot trust you to tell the truth, your attorney may very well withdraw.

Lastly, if your attorney cannot trust you to tell the truth and believes you will lie on the stand, he cannot put you on the stand and risk your perjuring yourself.  If your lawyer puts you on the stand, knowing you will lie, then you lie, and it is found out, your lawyer could very well lose his law license.  And an attorney will not risk his livelihood by allowing you to testify.

Just remember, it is infinitely better for your attorney to know all the bad stuff about your case so he is not surprised with it when you are in front of the judge on a witness stand.  Without your permission, he cannot tell anyone about your bad stuff.  But at least if you tell him, he can mitigate the damage.

Your case is a partnership between you and your lawyer.  You know all the facts and the lawyer knows the law, the courts, and how to apply the law to your facts.  If you fail to tell your attorney the truth, the lawyer’s course of action and strategy could be totally wrong for your case.  Don’t worry about your attorney judging you; that is not his job.  Chances are he or she has heard it before or some version of it.  Attorney-client confidentially is there to protect and help you!  Please take advantage of its benefits.

Ami J. Decker
www.famlawtex.com

Parental Alienation

Children don’t ask for their parents to divorce.  It happens with no input from them and they are left to deal with it and the two people in their lives who are suppose to protect them and help them deal with their feelings may be perpetuating bad feelings for the other parent.

Saying bad things about one parent by the other parent to the children should never happen.  You may hate the spouse you are divorcing but that person is still one of the two most significant people in your child’s life and your child needs to know it is still OK to love him or her even though you all don’t live together anymore.  If you are trashing your spouse saying he’s “controlling” or “mean”  or you say she is the cause of the divorce, your children are not going to feel free to love that parent or may even feel guilty for loving the other parent.  And maybe that is your goal.  Keep in mind, what you say about your child’s other parent will affect your child for the rest of his life.

You don’t even have to say anything for children to pick up on your disdain for your spouse and that, too, will affect your child.  Your children will sense your feelings for your spouse.  They will feel your hate and see the anger on your face.  And that, too, will affect their relationship with their other parent.  Whether you want it or not, your child needs and craves a positive relationship with both of his parents.

In some cases, parents actions may reach the level of Parental Alienation.  Parental Alienation is when children express an unreasonable hate or dislike for one parent making visitation or possession by the parent hated by the child difficult.  In Parental Alienation situations the child’s feelings have been influenced by the negative comments or actions of one parent about the other parent.  Sometimes the actions of the parents are overt but others are covert in their alienation.

Parental Alienation can take many forms: 

1.    Denying phone contact with the other parent by turning off the phone, not answering the phone, or simply making sure you are not around when the phone calls are suppose to occur.

2.    Discouraging or even withholding contact with the other parent by flat denying contact, cutting visits short, moving to a location making visitation on a regular basis difficult if not impossible, or requiring the other parent to meet unusual criteria to be able to visit with his/her children.

3.    Verbally criticizing the other parent with derogatory comments, pointing out the other parents faults or mistakes, or telling stories about the other parent.

4.    Intimidating the child by mocking or criticizing the child’s interest or affection for the other parent, making them feel bad for loving the other parent, punishing the child by removing privileges or affection after time spent with the other parent, or requiring the child to perform additional chores or meet strict criteria to be rewarded with time with the other parent.

It is vital to a child’s feelings of self-esteem and security to be allowed to love both of their parents free from punishment, shame, manipulation or control.

Parental Alienation is a form of child abuse that most judges, and all family law judges in Tarrant County are familiar with.  When it is shown in court that one parent or the other is engaging in any of the above activities, the Judge knows the parent is attempting to alienate the child from the other parent and rules accordingly.  Judges want to know that the parent with primary custody of the child is not only going to refrain from engaging in alienating activities but will encourage and foster a positive, loving relationship with the other parent.  And judges will award custody accordingly.

Sure it is natural for one parent to be angry at the other parent during a divorce, and to display that anger in front of the kids.  But you should never put your kids in that position.  Find a friend, counselor, or therapist to vent that anger to.  Leave your children out of it.  Remember they love you both, need you both, and didn’t ask for the ugliness that often accompanies divorce.

Ami J. Decker
www.famlawtex.com

Geographic Restrictions

Texas Family Code section 153.001 says it is the public policy of the State of Texas to assure children have "frequent and continuing contact" with both parents so long as each parent has proven the ability to act in the best interest of the child.

How do courts do that? They assure frequent contact with both parents with what is called geographical restrictions. A geographical restriction is an order of the court preventing the parent with primary custody moving the primary residence of the child outside of an identified geographic area. Sometimes the person with primary custody is called the custodial parent and the person with the possession schedule is the non-custodial parent. For both parents to have "frequent and continuing contact" with their child, the parents must be located in the same geographic area. If one parent is living in Lansing, Michigan and the other parent is living Fort Worth, Texas, there is no way both parents will have frequent or regular contact with his or her child. The non-custodial parent will not be able to go to the child’s soccer games or school events on a regular basis.

So what does a geographical restriction look like? In Tarrant County, Texas, a geographical restriction often says the custodial parent cannot relocate the child outside of Tarrant County and counties contiguous to Tarrant. Sometimes that restriction is limited to Tarrant County only. The parents can also agree to some variation. For example, parents might agree the parent with primary custody cannot move the child outside a specific school district or a 20-mile radius of a particular municipality.

It is common not to bind the parent with primary custody to this geographical restriction if the non-custodial parent moves out of that same area. For example, if there is a geographical restriction in place for Tarrant and contiguous counties, mom has primary custody and dad has a standard possession schedule. Mom cannot move with the child outside of this defined geographic area. However, if Dad, packs up and moves to Austin, Mom is free to move anywhere she wants with the child. The purpose of the geographic restriction in this situation is to allow Dad the opportunity to see his child frequently. If he moves to Austin, he has already forfeited that ability so Mom is free to move wherever she wants.

Is a geographical restriction automatic? Not necessarily. If a parent asks for it, that parent will most certainly get a geographical restriction in a Tarrant County court. Usually the parent who wants the restriction is the parent who does not have primary possession of the child.

So what happens if, several years after the divorce, the non-custodial parent lives in the geographically restricted area but the custodial parent wants to move somewhere outside of that area? Lifting the geographic restriction rarely, if ever, is allowed by a Court in Tarrant County if the non-custodial parent does not agree. If for some reason a Court allowed the custodial parent to move outside of the geographic area, that custodial parent usually is ordered to pay all travel expenses for the child to see the other parent.

This payment of travel expenses would also hold true if the non-custodial parent moved outside of the area and the custodial parent remained in the geographical area. Any parent who moves outside of the geographically restricted area ordered by the court will have to pay travel expenses for the child to visit so long as the other parent remains in the geographic area.

Just remember, the overarching requirement is for Courts to act in the best interest of the child at all times. It is presumed it is in the best interest of the child to have "frequent and continuing contact" with both parents. To get around a geographical restriction, you will have to prove to the Court that the other parent cannot act in the best interest of the child.

Ami J. Decker
www.famlawtex.com

Why Should I Hire an Attorney for My Divorce when I Have Children?

I do not recommend anyone with kids represent themselves (pro se is the legal term for being your own lawyer) in a divorce or try to use some forms you find somewhere to do your divorce on your own. Have you ever heard someone say "I don’t know what I don’t know?" This phrase rings true in the area of family law.

I realize because I am a family lawyer, my saying this may hold little weight to you as you may think I am saying this because I make money as a divorce lawyer. But before you make up your mind on this, please hear me out.

For the majority of folks, their family is the most important part of their lives. Doing your divorce on your own may strip you of rights you have with respect to your children. Maybe even rights you didn’t even know you have.

For example, which parent is going to make the educational decisions for the kids? Your initial reaction may be "We both will." But what if, at some point, you don’t agree with your ex spouse? If the language in your divorce decree says you both must agree before any action is taken with respect your children’s education, and you disagree, nothing can ever be done.

Additionally, you have no idea what your situation is going to be in ten years. And what is an educational decision? Educational decisions are not limited to simply what school your child will attend. Should she be tutored in a certain subject? Who will the tutor be? Where will she go to get the tutoring? Is a choir trip to New York City educational? If so, who should decide if your daughter goes on that trip? What happens if one of you want your son to attend SAT preparation classes and the other parent believes it unnecessary. Should you and your former spouse have the independent right to make educational decisions? If so, then your former spouse could have your child doing something you don’t agree with. Or you both could do something similar at the same time. Should you have the exclusive right to make those decisions? Should your spouse have that exclusive right? Or should one of you have the exclusive right after conferring with the other parent?

When there are children, there are a myriad of issues in a divorce an experienced family lawyer can help you with. Educational decisions are just a drop in the bucket.

Who will make medical decisions? Will you get a second medical opinion when an invasive medical procedure is needed one of your children? Who will decide if my minor child can join the armed forces? Or get married? If you don’t have primary custody of your child, can you assure you are on the school records to get information about your child’s education? How can I prevent your ex-wife from moving across the country with your kids? Can you even prevent that? Can you call your kids when they are with the other parent? Your child is special needs, can you get more child support than the statutory minimum? What is the statutory minimum child support? If your child plays a sport, do you have to take him to practices and games when you have him? You want you ex to pay half of the sports costs, can you get that? You need to get a passport for your child, how do you get your ex to sign the paperwork? Your ex-spouse is taking the children out of the country on vacation, do you have the right to know where they are going and when? Do you have to agree to see your kids every other weekend? Your spouse and you want to agree no one should pay child support; can you do that?

This list of questions is just the tip of the iceberg. You really don’t know what you don’t know.

Further, it isn’t enough to simply consult an attorney at the beginning of the divorce and then write your decree yourself or check some boxes on a form. The wording of your divorce decree is everything. The absence or existence of a single word in a decree could determine if you have a specific right or not. Once you give up a right either accidentally or intentionally, it is difficult, if not impossible, to get that right back at a later date.

Remember the effort you put into planning your wedding? Please don’t spend any less time or effort in your divorce than you put into your wedding. Your family is at stake.

Ami J. Decker
www.famlawtex.com

Children 12-Years and Older Do Not Decide Where They Live

Misconception:    In Texas, when my child is 12, he can decide which parent he wants to live with.

People approach me often and ask “Can’t my child decide to live with me when he turns 12?”  The answer is not really.                                   

Texas Family Code Section 153.009 says that if a party requests, the court must interview a child age 12 or older to determine the child’s wishes as to conservatorship or which parent he or she wants to determine his or her primary residence.  It is a common misconception if the child wants it, it will happen if he is 12 or older.   Because Texas Family Code Section 153.002 says that the best interest of the child must always be the court’s primary consideration, the judge’s interview with the child is merely evidence the Court will use to determine if primary custody switches from one parent to the other.  The Court has the discretion to determine how heavily to weigh what the child wants.

In Tarrant County, the younger the child, the less weight the child’s desire holds.  There are many other factors the Court will consider when determining if a child will be permitted to move from one parent’s home to the other parent’s home.  Why does the child want to move?  Is the parent pressuring or manipulating the child in some way? Has the parent promised to give the child something if the child chooses to live with him or her?  A car, perhaps?  Does the child have any medical or psychological issues? How is the child doing in school? Would the child have to change schools if he or she moved? Where are his or her siblings living?

In a divorce or custody suit, children have very little input, if any, regarding where they live.  The older the child, the more weight the judge will give to what the child wants, but the judge is not required by law to do what the child wants.  It all boils down to if it is in the best interest of the child.  The judge will look at the circumstances as a whole to determine what is in the best interest of the child. 

This does not address a situation where the child doesn’t want to visit a parent at all.  Children get no say in whether or not they see a parent.  The courts believe it is your job as a parent to encourage your child to visit the other parent.  Of course, this is provided there is no physical or sexual abuse, no drug issues, or alcohol abuse issues.

Ami J. Decker

www.famlawtex.com