I do not recommend anyone with kids represent themselves (pro se is the legal term for being your own lawyer) in a divorce or try to use some forms you find somewhere to do your divorce on your own. Have you ever heard someone say "I don’t know what I don’t know?" This phrase rings true in the area of family law.
I realize because I am a family lawyer, my saying this may hold little weight to you as you may think I am saying this because I make money as a divorce lawyer. But before you make up your mind on this, please hear me out.
For the majority of folks, their family is the most important part of their lives. Doing your divorce on your own may strip you of rights you have with respect to your children. Maybe even rights you didn’t even know you have.
For example, which parent is going to make the educational decisions for the kids? Your initial reaction may be "We both will." But what if, at some point, you don’t agree with your ex spouse? If the language in your divorce decree says you both must agree before any action is taken with respect your children’s education, and you disagree, nothing can ever be done.
Additionally, you have no idea what your situation is going to be in ten years. And what is an educational decision? Educational decisions are not limited to simply what school your child will attend. Should she be tutored in a certain subject? Who will the tutor be? Where will she go to get the tutoring? Is a choir trip to New York City educational? If so, who should decide if your daughter goes on that trip? What happens if one of you want your son to attend SAT preparation classes and the other parent believes it unnecessary. Should you and your former spouse have the independent right to make educational decisions? If so, then your former spouse could have your child doing something you don’t agree with. Or you both could do something similar at the same time. Should you have the exclusive right to make those decisions? Should your spouse have that exclusive right? Or should one of you have the exclusive right after conferring with the other parent?
When there are children, there are a myriad of issues in a divorce an experienced family lawyer can help you with. Educational decisions are just a drop in the bucket.
Who will make medical decisions? Will you get a second medical opinion when an invasive medical procedure is needed one of your children? Who will decide if my minor child can join the armed forces? Or get married? If you don’t have primary custody of your child, can you assure you are on the school records to get information about your child’s education? How can I prevent your ex-wife from moving across the country with your kids? Can you even prevent that? Can you call your kids when they are with the other parent? Your child is special needs, can you get more child support than the statutory minimum? What is the statutory minimum child support? If your child plays a sport, do you have to take him to practices and games when you have him? You want you ex to pay half of the sports costs, can you get that? You need to get a passport for your child, how do you get your ex to sign the paperwork? Your ex-spouse is taking the children out of the country on vacation, do you have the right to know where they are going and when? Do you have to agree to see your kids every other weekend? Your spouse and you want to agree no one should pay child support; can you do that?
This list of questions is just the tip of the iceberg. You really don’t know what you don’t know.
Further, it isn’t enough to simply consult an attorney at the beginning of the divorce and then write your decree yourself or check some boxes on a form. The wording of your divorce decree is everything. The absence or existence of a single word in a decree could determine if you have a specific right or not. Once you give up a right either accidentally or intentionally, it is difficult, if not impossible, to get that right back at a later date.
Remember the effort you put into planning your wedding? Please don’t spend any less time or effort in your divorce than you put into your wedding. Your family is at stake.
Ami J. Decker
www.famlawtex.com
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